I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
