I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
