I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
