Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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