I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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