Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
