I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
