Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
