last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
