So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
