pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
