There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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