I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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