What a fucking waste of an outfit
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think we might need a safe word for this...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
