Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
