Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
