I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
