how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
