My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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