Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
