Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
