Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
