You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
