R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
