Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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