I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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