you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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