If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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