I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
