god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
