I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
