I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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