I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize