im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think I have vodka in my lungs
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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