idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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