Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize