I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
