Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I need a beard to bite.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize