after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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