thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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