Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
