Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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