Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
