she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
