Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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