Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
