I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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