Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I am one with the molecules
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
