boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
