We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do vagina's smell?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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