Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
