So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
