I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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