Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
