I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I love having hate sex.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
