i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
