i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
