i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
