my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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