Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
