you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just made my gag reflex go away.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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