Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
