i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
