Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
