Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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