I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
