he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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