I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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