So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
