no, he came in my armpit
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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