i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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