Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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