I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
