you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I need a beard to bite.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize