Nicole vs. Life
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize