I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
